How could this happen to me?

I had been injured before. I had played through the pain. But this was unlike anything else.

It’s the start of the season and I was in my element. Enjoying every minute of being back on the court. That was until the third set of our first home match on September 8th, 2015. I get thrown in the game and I am as anxious as can be. I finally get set the ball. I jump in the air ready to kill it. I make contact. and I land back on the ground.

All I will ever remember from that day is the intense popping I felt in my knee as my foot made contact with the ground. One. Two. Three pops and all I can think to do is fall backwards and scream in complete agony.

“You’re going to need your ACL repaired. You will be out for the rest of the season.”

Words I never expected to hear. Me? Needing knee surgery? But I have never had knee problems like that!

One excruciating surgery later and I am finding a new home at the physical therapists office. And I hated every minute of it. I hated the pain. I hated the crutches. I hated the scar that now covered the length of my knee on my right leg. I hated the fact that this happened to me. How could this happen to me? 

I sat at home and felt sorry for myself. And I cried. I cried out to God asking Him why He let this happen to me? And then I cried out to Him even more when I felt like He wasn’t answering me. I was angry.

I would get letters and get well soon cards with warm wishes for a “speedy recovery” and to “trust in God’s plan” but I couldn’t understand why I should trust His plan when He couldn’t even tell me why this happened in the first place?! This continued for months as I went to and from physical therapy, sat at home, watched TV, and shouted at God for letting this happen to me when things had been going so well!

I finally stopped yelling and I started grumbling. And then my grumbles turned into half-hearted prayers asking Him to take my pain away.

And then it clicked. He wanted my attention. But I had to stop running away from Him. His goal wasn’t to push me away. It was to pull me closer to Him so He could show me just how much I really needed Him. And I did..but not until Fall of last year.

I had still been having issues with my knee, had gone in for a second procedure, was still going to physical therapy, and had yet to find relief for my pain over a year later. Until one day I broke down. As tears streamed from my eyes, prayers poured out from my heart asking for God’s help. Asking for Him to heal me. Telling Him how much I needed Him.

I finally took my focus off of my pain and put it on Him. The one thing He was wanting me to do all along.

God doesn’t want us to focus on the things of this world…they are fleeting. But His kingdom is forever! Just like Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, when we focus on Him our spirit is being renewed each day even though we are growing older on the outside. We will go through trials but they are only momentary and have nothing on the eternal glory that is waiting for us! We simply have to stop focusing on ourselves and what is going with us in this world and put our focus back on God.

Now, I’m not saying that you should stop showing up to work or quit doing your homework assignments, but the emphasis we place on the newest iPhone or the cutest clothes or even the struggles that we have should be far less than the emphasis we place on God and His Kingdom. If we shift our focus, He will give us the strength to get through our troubles and He will provide our every need like Christ says in Matthew 6:33 “But first seek his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well”..

I hope that my story was an encouragement for you and that you continue to seek God and His Kingdom no matter what season you may be in. Place your focus on Him and watch how your life transforms.. I would love to hear from you and how God used a difficult time in your life to pull you back to Him so make sure to leave a comment below! And don’t forget to subscribe so that you don’t miss another post!

Until next time..

Kat

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Rolling Around in My Own Self-Pity

I’ll admit..when things aren’t going the way that I had planned or life feels as if it is falling apart, I shut down. Instead of automatically reaching out to my Heavenly Father, I give into the temptation of feeling sorry for myself.

“It’s all messed up”, “I will never get it right”, “I suck”, etc…

Phrases that leave my mouth a little to frequently. But it gets worse. Not only do I shut down and feel sorry for myself, but I shut out those who are trying to help me realize that everything will be okay. 

When I get into the deep, deep trenches of my own self-pity, this is when I begin to believe the lies of satan. He tells me that I didn’t deserve to get that job, that I am unworthy of happiness, that my friends are better off without me. I start to believe him and these lies start playing in a loop in my head. Repeating over and over until I have successfully avoided everyone trying to tell me otherwise.

It’s funny how one thing going wrong can spur a week of “nothing ever goes my way”. Your mind becomes so focused on what is wrong that you can no longer see what is right. Constantly complaining about what you don’t have instead of looking at what you do have (see my previous post here). My mindset becomes so distorted that I start blaming myself for things that I have zero control over!

Do you find yourself feeling this way? Like nothing ever works out in your favor? Do you believe the lies that satan is telling you? If you are, then stop. I know it’s easier said than done, but we have to stop feeling sorry for ourselves. What good has it done us? I can tell you personally, it has only made my situations worse.

If you start to feel sorry for yourself, ask yourself “was this something I had control over?”. Last week I had an exam for one of my classes that I felt I had truly prepared myself for and was confident that it would be a cake walk. Went into class, got the exam and instantly started to beat myself up because I had already identified about 5 questions that I was unsure of. I tried to calm down my anxiety so that I could focus on the exam and I did the best that I could with the knowledge that I had. I did the BEST that I could.

It’s as simple as that, if you do all that you can in your power and you give whatever situation it is your absolute best, then stop believing the lies telling you that you didn’t! When I pity myself, I fail to stop and simply talk to God about what it is that I am going through. He wants to hear from us! He wants us to call on Him! But He also wants us to stop pushing away those who are trying to help us.

NEWS FLASH: God uses those who are close to us to help encourage us! So instead of pushing away that friend who is trying to tell you that it will be okay and they are proud of you for the hard work that you did put in, listen to what they have to say and let them pray for you! You will feel so much better doing this instead of feeling sorry for yourself!

But also know that I am praying for you, that you may be able to change your mindset and kick the lies of satan to the curb! I know it isn’t easy, and this something that I struggle with too but it is nice to know that you have someone you can struggle with. Know that we can overcome these feelings of sorrow and self pity, and we will come out even stronger!

I challenge you, if you find yourself in a self-pity party, stop for a moment and be thankful for what has worked out in your favor, and realize what you do have is far greater than what you don’t.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”

Don’t forget to comment, like, and subscribe so that you don’t miss any of my future posts! And if this has been an inspiration to you, please share it – you never know who might be in need! 🙂

XOXO,

Kat